Linguini: You’re thin for someone who likes food.
Anton Ego: I don’t like food, I LOVE it. If I don’t love it, I don’t swallow
– Ratatouille, Pixar Studios 2007
That’s me right there. I don’t actually hate ALL the movies. I hate the miserable crap that’s being palmed off as entertainment these days. Admittedly, I’m a bit hard to please. I can spot a plot hole so small a rat would have trouble squeezing through it. Maybe it’s my scientific and medical background, but bad science and unrealistic injuries leap off the screen and punch me in the face. And don’t get me started on lame fight choreography.
I’m willing, even eager, to suspend disbelief, but the screenwriter must at least make a minimal effort at plausibility. Pray tell, why is that small effort too much to ask? And I have no patience for the abysmal trend of vomiting massive quantities of CGI upon the screen and writing be damned.
So why would you want to read a blog written by someone who hates so many movies? Well, two reasons. The first is that you might find it entertaining. The second is that you might want to shut some annoying jerk up. You know who I’m talking about. That coworker, relative, or even friend who goes on and on about how amazing some movie is. I give you the ammo you need to take a giant dump on his or her day and maybe even ruin that movie for them forever.
I do occasionally find a good one, but the movies I like best tend to be weird messed up affairs that hardly anyone else enjoys. Repo! The Genetic Opera anyone? Yep, that one I liked. I’ve got a signed poster framed and hanging in my living room.
So, now that you have some idea how my tastes run, on with the scathing reviews!