After so many complaints that the DC cinematic universe was just too darned bleak, the powers that be attempted to channel Thor: Ragnarok and inject a little levity for a change. Unfortunately, comedy is hard, and the cast of Aquaman just couldn’t pull it off, but you have to give DC some credit for at least trying.
The cast was really out of their element here, which is almost funny in itself because being in or out of your element was a major theme of the film. Jason Momoa as Aquaman had no sense of timing at all, and he spent the whole movie simply making crude, inappropriate remarks and smirking at his own jokes. No one else really fared any better. Simply put, Aquaman tried really hard to be funny, but it just wasn’t. And I’m clearly not the only one to think so. The theater I saw it in was about half full, and there were maybe three half-hearted chuckles from the audience in the entire 143-minute run-time.
Visually, it was an unending cascade of flat CGI. Some of the underwater scenes looked cool, but, for the most part, it did nothing to really stand out from all the other CGI blockbusters we’ve been getting. Fight scenes were the standard super hero fare. Everyone absorbs massive damage with no noticeable effect until it’s time for someone to lose.
This isn’t even the most CGI-heavy scene in Aquaman. IMDb.com.
The plot was a generic quest. Aquaman gets a magic talisman from a quest giver and must travel to the lost temple to receive a clue that will lead him to the mystic weapon that he can use to defeat his foe. If you’ve ever played any fantasy MMO, Dungeons and Dragons, or anything like that, then the beats are all too familiar. Flat as it was, though, the story did manage to advance some disturbing concepts.
Sadly, there’s an overarching theme that personal merit is irrelevant. It doesn’t matter what you do or don’t do. If you have the right birthright, you are destined for greatness no matter how useless a drunk you might be. It’s a worshipful affirmation of the caste system where your parentage is far more important than your accomplishments. There’s even a bit about how only the ruling class of Atlanteans can breathe air. In this world, you’re born to be king, or you’re just a schmuck, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
You might remember the whole “Martha” thing from Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, but Aquaman took mommy issues to a whole new level. I won’t give spoilers, but it was laid on pretty thick. Extra negative points for blatantly ripping off a major plot arc from Ant-Man and the Wasp.
Nicole Kidman in Aquaman. IMDb.com.
It got even worse in the last ten or fifteen minutes. It’s as if they figured there hadn’t been quite enough CGI up to that point, so it was time to up the game. And lo, did a torrent spew forth to assault the eyes. Massive armies of CGI fishmen and sea creatures clashed in bloodless battle. They stabbed and bit and fired lasers and had as much emotional impact as a piece of scenery. Seriously, a computer program getting derezzed in the original Tron carried more emotional weight than anything that supposedly died here. Then Aquaman and his nemesis had another flashy and boring fight with an ending that was never in doubt.
Sharks with frickin laser beams attached to their heads. IMDb.com.
That’s a big crab. IMDb.com.
The worst part though, were the frequent pauses for some character or other to take him or herself far too seriously and make a pretentious speech. I guess the writers figured they’d been lighthearted for long enough and now it was time to inject some gravitas, but it came off as self-righteous and bombastic.
As a last middle finger to the audience, there’s an entirely predictable mid-credits scene to set up a sequel.
Overall Rating: 4/10
Bonus Pedantic Nitpick: Everyone kept referring to the uber trident as being “forged” when it was quite clearly shown being cast. The broken mold was even a clue at one point that the heroes had found the correct ancient building. Pounding on the trident with a hammer a few times after taking it out of the mold does not count as forging.