Monthly Archives: December 2018

Aquaman. IMDb.com.

DC Unsuccessfully Tries to make Bro Dudes Cool in Aquaman

After so many complaints that the DC cinematic universe was just too darned bleak, the powers that be attempted to channel Thor: Ragnarok and inject a little levity for a change. Unfortunately, comedy is hard, and the cast of Aquaman just couldn’t pull it off, but you have to give DC some credit for at least trying.

The cast was really out of their element here, which is almost funny in itself because being in or out of your element was a major theme of the film. Jason Momoa as Aquaman had no sense of timing at all, and he spent the whole movie simply making crude, inappropriate remarks and smirking at his own jokes. No one else really fared any better. Simply put, Aquaman tried really hard to be funny, but it just wasn’t. And I’m clearly not the only one to think so. The theater I saw it in was about half full, and there were maybe three half-hearted chuckles from the audience in the entire 143-minute run-time.

Visually, it was an unending cascade of flat CGI. Some of the underwater scenes looked cool, but, for the most part, it did nothing to really stand out from all the other CGI blockbusters we’ve been getting. Fight scenes were the standard super hero fare. Everyone absorbs massive damage with no noticeable effect until it’s time for someone to lose.

This isn't even the most CGI-heavy scene in Aquaman. IMDb.com.

This isn’t even the most CGI-heavy scene in Aquaman. IMDb.com.

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Mortal Engines. IMDb.com

Mortal Engines: Someone Thought a Feature-Length Video Game Cutscene was a Good Idea

Warning: Spoilers aplenty if you click “Continue reading”

I should probably take back that title. I have seen many well-crafted, cinematic cutscenes in video games over the years, and comparing Mortal Engines to them is an insult to the video games. The visuals look good, but the movie fails on every single level otherwise. It’s an empty package with a nice wrapper IF you’re still into the steampunk vibe. If you, like me, think steampunk has been played out for a decade, then the visuals might not even hold that much appeal.

The setup is a standard “nations started a war and blew themselves up” post-apocalyptic dystopia. The twist here is that survivors mounted their cities on gigantic tank treads to make them mobile, leading to a condition of “municipal Darwinism” whereby larger cities hunt down smaller communities and consume them for resources. To the east, the members of the Anti-Traction League, who don’t think mounting their cities on treads is a good idea, live in relatively good conditions, protected by an impregnable shield wall. It’s an interesting idea, and so much could have been done with it. Unfortunately, Mortal Engines does very little.

London in Mortal Engines. IMDb.com

London in Mortal Engines. IMDb.com.

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Mirai. IMDb.com

Mirai

Directed by Mamoru Hosoda and produced by Studio Chizu, Mirai tells the story of 4-year-old Kun and his family. Their house, designed by Kun’s architect father, is of a very modern design with an open-air yard in the middle of it. Kun is initially excited by the arrival of his new baby sister, Mirai, but excitement soon turns to jealousy when he finds he is no longer the center of his parents’ undivided attention. And between his parents, tension rises as his mother prepares to return to her job while his father works freelance from home and assumes the duties of caring for the children.

Mon, Dad, and Mirai. IMDb.com.

Mon, Dad, and Mirai. IMDb.com.

One day, after a particularly angry exchange, Kun enters the yard on the way to his detached playroom and encounters what turns out to be the family dog, Yukko, manifesting in human form. Yukko complains that he once had all the attention, but things changed for the worse when Kun was born. From here, the films shifts back and forth between scenes of Kun’s parents trying to cope with their responsibilities and Kun, himself, having a series of encounters with Mirai as a teenager, his mother as a child, his great-grandfather as a young man, and Kun, himself, as a teenager. Each encounter gives Kun an opportunity to learn about his family and about himself. Continue reading →

Taron Egerton in Robin Hood (2018). IMDb.com

Robin Hood Stole from Everyone who Paid for a Ticket

Just what the movie-going audience was clamoring for–another remake of Robin Hood. We’ve only had a couple dozen takes on this, so I guess the Hollywood suits thought we needed another one, complete with all the gimmicky, cliched “edginess” that passes for story in too many movies lately. For those who want to save some time, I’ll just say at the outset that Robin Hood was absolute crap from beginning to end. There was nothing good about this movie. For those who want the gory details, read on.

For starters, this thing must be set in a parallel universe, because it doesn’t even vaguely resemble any time period in our history. Taking liberties is one thing, but having the entire film full to bursting with bizarre anachronisms is quite another. We’re told it takes place during the crusades, but the armor and clothing are all over the place. And no, you don’t have to be a hard-core history buff to notice. The main cast looks like they just stepped out of a high-end boutique. Marian (Eve Hewson) sports a very stylish black leather jacket over a modern-cut, red dress and suede high heel boots. Robin (Taron Egerton) and Little John (Jamie Foxx) look like they just finished a GQ photo shoot. But the worst offender has to be the Sheriff of Nottingham (Ben Mendelsohn), who spends the entire movie in a full-length, dove grey leather coat.

Ben Mendelsohn in Robin Hood (2018). IMDb.com.

Ben Mendelsohn in Robin Hood (2018). IMDb.com.

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