Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald wastes no time establishing that logic, internal consistency, and coherent storytelling have no place in this film. The opening sequence is Grindelwald (Johnny Depp) escaping prison in a torrent of garish, entirely too darkly rendered CGI. There was no real attempt to have it make any sense. The thin plot called for Grindelwald to escape, so he did.
Very shortly thereafter, we learn that Credence (Ezra Miller) didn’t die at the end of Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. No attempt at all to give a reason, just a bland statement that he survived. And the memory wipe at the end of the first film didn’t work on Jacob Kowalski (Dan Fogler). That’s right, it simply didn’t work. Men in Black II at least had the decency to come up with a weird but plausible (in the movie’s universe, anyway) method for Agent Kay to get his memories back after being wiped, but not Fantastic Beasts. Couldn’t be bothered, Kowalski’s memory wipe just didn’t work.
The plot? All over the place. There were multiple story arcs that had little to do with each other, and much of it was insultingly implausible. And before anyone chimes in with “it was all explained” on HarryPotterisGod.com or some other fawning fansite, I will reiterate my often-repeated point that requiring the audience to research information from websites, comic books, or games is unacceptably weak writing. A film MUST stand on its own, and this one doesn’t even come close.
Even though the words “fantastic” and “beasts” remain in the title, very little of the movie actually involved or related to fantastic beasts. They showed up for a couple of CGI for the sake of CGI sequences but were otherwise relegated to lazy plot devices. They came out of the box, did whatever the story called for to get the protagonists out of a fix, and then went back into the box.
Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald. IMDb.com.
The CGI didn’t even look all that good. There were a few high points, but they tended to be smaller items like a statue and the Niffler. Everything big and grand looked flat and fake. What was clearly supposed to be an epic moment came off as noting but lame blue fire wrapping around lame red fire. We knew which side had which, so I guess we could sort of follow who was winning, but the overall experience was sadly lacking.
After Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, I didn’t have high hopes for Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald, but it failed to meet even my low expectations. At this point, it seems like they’re just trying to milk the franchise for whatever they can squeeze out of it. They’re certainly not making any effort to tell a good story.
Overall rating: 3/10